Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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