I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
that's an acceptable place to lick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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