Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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