I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
