it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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