I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
