checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
