I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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