I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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