Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i out mim tonsoeep
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