so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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