Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
