I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
