Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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