that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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