i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
