do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Me too!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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