when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my sisters under your porch take her home
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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