I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
