Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
