I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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