I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
