I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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