I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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