So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
