There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
