Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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