I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
