I cannot find my penis.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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