i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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