captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
