Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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