Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
