my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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