so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
