wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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