But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
