last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
