i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
