I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
