I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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