i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
