ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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