well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
