yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
