I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
