1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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