Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
