I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
