If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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